I woke up today knowing that I was off the program, and I felt completely guilt free. I had given up but I hadn’t failed. I learned some lessons. I realized things I want to do to change the way I am eating (I don’t need to eat a “sharkoochie” every day). I also let myself off the hook a little. I felt vindicated in that I have literally tried EVERYTHING. There’s always the question of if I can do more. The honest answer to this is no. I was eating in a deficit. I was eating mostly healthy. When that wasn’t working, I did MORE. I gave up every processed food and stuck solely to whole foods. I gave up all sugar, EVEN honey.
And my body was still not responding!
So I stopped. For my mental health, I stopped. For fear of entering into disordered eating, I stopped. It isn’t failure if I learned something.
So what now?
This mornings breakfast had been the same as yesterdays breakfast; a couple hard boiled eggs, an apple and some almond butter. It was a full day of work and I ate mostly Whole30. I did have a couple pieces of cinnamon bread. The point of not being on program is NOT to eat anything and everything. It’s about bringing that balance back into my life.
Right now, I am just going to eat what I want to. Again, that doesn’t mean I am completely off the rails. It just means I am going to eat what I am hungry for. That’s the nice thing about carb cycling. After you do it for a while, your body starts to know what it needs for fuel. This is why I have always said that carb cycling seems to be the most sustainable way of eating FOR ME. I do believe it can work for everyone.
(Funny coming from someone still gaining weight..I know.)
So that’s where I am at. I might change my mind tomorrow. It’s hard to say. I am feeling exhausted by the constant struggle. The exhaustion is compounded by feeling unheard and not taken seriously. That doctors appointment really did a whole number on my mentality. I understand why people just give up. I am not giving up, but I am taking a little hiatus to regroup, gather more information, and come back stronger.
And I am definitely planning to make my husband a cheesecake.
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