It's Thursday! Another training day. I slept so dang good last night. If there is one thing I can say about this "experiment" is that my sleep has been better than it has been in a very long time. This is probably due to having no caffeine, so I guess this goes to show that even if you can drink caffeine and fall asleep, maybe the caffeine is effecting your quality of sleep. While it is important to get enough sleep, I would say that quality is far more important. That's just my opinion though.
My clothes are feeling tight and everything is itchy. These are both issues that I was hoping would chill out during this round of Whole30, but that hasn't happened yet. Every time I have to put on clothes and my leggings feel like they are gonna burst from trying to hold my fat legs in, I think terrible thoughts. Thoughts that I won't even put into words for just anyone to read.
I am so uncomfortable every single day in my body. It is just such a battle, to be doing what I know to do, eating in a deficit, eating only whole foods, giving up sugar, not even a drop of honey in my morning tea. and I still feel heavier and heavier all the time. Then having to put on clothes and pretend I don't want to rip them off my body and join a nudist colony so I never have to feel this claustrophobic feeling again. Claustrophobia in my clothes and claustophobia in my skin. It's a horrible, hopeless feeling.
The gym was ok, but I honestly can't stand looking at myself in the mirror. The gym has mirrors everywhere. I even felt weak today...like, not only am I getting bigger, I can tell that it definitely isn't muscle. Uuuuuggghhh.
I am trying not to focus on the things that aren't going well, and instead focus on the good sleep, and how my joints ache less (except this darn shoulder), but it is hard. Despite this, I stayed on plan. I had to force myself. Like, I was in a battle with my mind. The only thing that kept me from quitting was the fact that my husband wanted to complete the challenge. He is the master of challenging himself.
Anyway, day 18 is done. I am counting down. Good night.
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